'google658fd05d77029796.html' Chemistry of Love and Betrayal..! | The Original Poetry








          Mere thought of your partner having an affair is one of the biggest fears of people in long term relationships yet very few really understand or try to understand the reason that why this happen?

      First of all we should understand that the basic wiring of male and female brains are different, hence their demands and aspirations are different. There are different chemical releases at different point of time which evolve or dissolve a relationship.

      Whenever two people commit to each other for a long term relationship it is thought that they have moved on from the stage of lust to romantic love stage when the  brain chemistry changes. With women, it activates the caudate nucleus causing her testosterone levels to rise and increasing her sexual desires and likewise different areas become active in men, including the visual cortex and a man’s oxytocin level rises making him softer and cuddlier.
     
    These temporary changes give the couple an illusion that they are a perfect match, but the main difference between men and women is that men usually stay in lust stage longer than women, which means he’s still in for intimacy while she has moved on to the next level. So usually when men are asked to define an affair they describe it as intimacy with or without emotional involvement but for women it is an emotional event whether it involves physical intimacy or not, it includes talking on phone, intimate messaging, romantic dinners and so on...
      
    But as the time passes by and conditions this temporary phase is replaced by the reality. men stop understanding that women needs to be in the mood to feel for intimacy, she wants her man to talk to her  about feelings and emotions, to listen with compassion and touch her tenderly. All these things are not part of his basic wiring. Hence a women self image takes a back seat and she feels undesirable  and like an object.
    
   Women don’t understand that men express themselves emotionally through intimacy. For men, intimacy is intimacy and love is love, sometimes it happens together. Hence, both start blaming each other. She calls him insensitive and he calls her manipulative and frigid. Soon it becomes a habit of playing the blame game. But the reality is that she feels insecure and unattractive and he feels dejected and isolated. Neither understand each other‘s perspective  and hence a perfect viable relationship comes to the brim of an end....and a demand for someone who can cater to your needs arise in your brain.

Six Common Myths About Cheating

· Its only men who cheat: It is thing of the past..a new research  has revealed that women in 20’s and 30’s have almost the same amount of affairs as their male counterparts as more women in this age group are financially independent so more likely to take risks in their relationships. Almost 50% of all affairs are with person at the workplace.

·There is a cheater profileGiven the right circumstances anyone is susceptible to cheating without even a single thought of being unfaithful, it may not even be consistent with the person’s value system but if the circumstances and time is right and opportunity presents itself then person may get tempted, like if you are having a fight with your partner and a colleague of yours sympathise and complements you may get drawn toward him/her at that moment. So don’t fool yourself that you can never have an affair  but avoid the situation which can make you susceptible.

·Long term monotony leads to an affair: A research has revealed that most of the extra marital affairs occur during first 2 years of marriage as people are not sure if they have made the right choice as it takes minimal two years of living with the person before you know him/her. If man/woman was a serial cheater before marriage then he/she can be suspected in initial two years also.

·A man is driven to infidelity when he is not happy at home: In 2007, noted infidelity researcher Shirley Glass found that people who never intended to be unfaithful unwittingly formed deep , passionate connection before they realise that they had crossed the line between platonic friendship  and romantic love. For males it was an opportunity and for females it was due to emotional neglect by their partner for around a year. So gradually the replacement took place. So the bottom line is reduce the emotional distance and discuss about your relationship.

·You will get it right second time around: Those who are in habit of cheating if pair up permanently with their affairee  75% divorce . as people in an affair are like in a drug striken world free from paying the bills and cleaning the toilets. So always plan the practical issues as fantasy last only for a year and life needs practical decision.

·You can sense when your partner is fooling around: Most people ignore the signals as they have their relationship based on trust that come what may their partner will always be faithful, so people prefer denial rather face the upset of uncovering the affair. Women are better at spotting these clues but males are not as they don’t have the ability to match the contradictory signals between speech and action. Hence men are more shocked when they come to know of their female cheating partner.
  
               Infidelity is a matter of great fear in any relationship but there are always warning signals when one partner is unhappy and likely to stray, so by talking and communicating your feelings and fears to your partners, talking your heart out and keeping in touch with the heart of the relationship you can build a barrier to keep infidelity out. Few words of care and a tender hug can make a world of difference.


                   - By Anu Sharma (Guest Writer)

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2 Responses so far.

  1. Renju says:

    Good one. . to equip mind with thoughts. .

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