First the doctor told me the good news; I was going to have a disease named after me.
- Steve Martin
I have never killed a man. But I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow
Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
- Anon
I never think of future; it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis
The trouble with unemployment is the minute you wake up in the morning you're on a job.
- Slappy White
Housework can't kill you. But why take a chance.
- Phyllis Diller
A good dog is a bad dog.
- Anonymous
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
- George Bernard Shaw
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
- Anonymous
The trouble with learning from experience is you never graduate.
- Doug Larson
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy just to be normal.
- Albert Camus
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
- Foe Ancis
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- W.C. Fields
History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill
It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent in writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley
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